Shaman King Journals
by milkmoth
Summary: Read the diaries of your favorite shamans! Includes cheerleading squads, Hao Vanquisher 2000s, overprotective brothers, soap operas, stuffed animals, bribery, and, of course, the electric chair!
1. The Stolen Sockies

**Shaman King Journals**

a/n: Enjoy! I have more chapters of this lined up, but it'll be coming out slowly because I have so many other stories I have to work on. Remember to review! I promise that it'll get funnier. :)

Summary: Read the diaries of your favorite shamans! Includes cheerleading squads, Hao Vanquisher 2000s, protective brothers, soap operas, stuffed animals, bribery, valiant Korropukkur, and, of course, the electric chair! And of course, the line 'I need an aspirin'.

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman. King. :)

**Chapter One: The Stolen Sockies**

_Dear Journal,_

I am starting a journal. All great detectives have journals, you know, to keep their detective lives on record.

But mostly it's because my therapist says that by keeping a journal, I might soothe my deep feelings of hate for a certain someone (whose name I'm not allowed to mention, as it leads me to violent fits of rage).

Anyway, this certain someone made me very angry this morning. I was changing into my favorite socks (they're green plaid, and they totally go with my outfit) when Hao-

AAAAGGH! I wrote it down!

Oh well, I'm making progress. I didn't break stuff this time!

Anyway, _he _came in and he stole my socks!

THIS IS WAR! FIRST MY PARENTS, NOW MY SOCKS?

I _WILL_ GET YOU HAO-

(Ooops. This time I broke my desk. Guess I'm not making progress, after all.)

-IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

_-Sincerely, Lyserg Diethel_

_Dear Journal,_

Earlier this morning, I stole Lyserg's soscks! Tee-hee, what fun! That kids is _so _easy to irritate. I mean, the socks I can understand. But his _parents_? Talk about sensitive…

Anyhoo, then I went to go bother Ren!

He was training. Which is all I think he ever does in his free time. He was yelling at Anna, because she wasn't going to buy anymore milk, and then she slapped him. After Anna left, I started laughing.

"Ha! You got beaten up by a girl!"

He tried to hit me, but of course he couldn't because I am All-Powerful! Bwa-ha-ha!

Then Ren tried to slice me in half with his spear-thingy, which I then stole. I held it over my head, so he couldn't reach it (he's short, ha ha!).

"Give it back, moron!" he screamed.

I proceeded to stick my tongue out.

"No way, Lenny!" I replied with a British accent.

Then he lunged at me, with a feral scream. What fun!

Lyserg barged in. "Are you making fun of my British accent?" he demanded angrily.

Even though I had an angry shaman attacking me (I was dodging. I'm a good dodger.) I managed to stick one of my feet in the air.

Lyserg gasped in horror, then tears filled his eyes.

"No…. sockies…" he whispered. He broke into tears and ran out of the room, screaming at me:

"I WILL SAVE YOU SOCKIES! HAO, I WILL GET REVENGE!"

Yeah, whatever.

Ren had stopped punching, he was so stunned by this scene, but then he started up again. I could've dodged all day, but it was becoming tiresome…

So I struck a deal (which would help to stir things up around here… annoying Lyserg was getting a little bit boring).

"Ren," said I, the Great All-Powerful Hao, "I'll give you your spear-thingy-"

"Kwan Dao!" he spat, still trying to hit me.

"I'll give you your spear-thingy and help you get your milk back, but you have to do a little something for me!"

He stopped punching. "What do I have to do?" he said suspiciously.

I thought for a moment. Hmmm… kill Yoh? I didn't particularly want him dead, but it would leave Anna free and cause some mayhem…

Somehow, I thought Ren wouldn't really go for that.

I smiled triumphantly. I had just figured out something utterly humiliating.

"Okay, go kiss Pirka!"

He looked at me darkly, though his face had drained of color.

"Think of your milk," I reminded him.

"Fine!" he snapped.

Haha! More mayhem… another victory!

_-Deigned worthy of writing by the All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

I think Ren and that Hao are plotting something. Idiots. I've got to sharpen my torture – er, _training_ tools.

OMG! Oh. My. Gawd.

Yoh looked so hawt today. But of course, he always does.

Hmm…

Mrs. Asakura Yoh.

Asakura Anna.

Thank gawd I'm getting married to him. I totally think that weaselly little weasel Tamao is trying to steal him! And she might have a chance with that pink hair of hers.

Hmmm. Maybe I should die my hair pink? It might be totally hawt, and pink is really in this season…

_Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

I've got to kiss Pirka, or I won't get my Kwan Dao back. Stupid Hao… more importantly, though, he said he'd put milk back on the list if I did it…. (!)

Called Jun today. I'm worried about her… is it normal to fall in love with a corpse? I don't know… I'm a bit socially inept… I mean, Jun denies it, but she and Bailong do seem to have a "thing".

Lyserg's mad. I hate it when he's mad at Hao. He breaks everything. It's a secret, but once he broke Penelope (she's my tiger stuffed animal. I've had her since I was little, even though my father tore her up multiple times.)

Anyway, that time Jun wasn't around to sew Penelope back together, so I had Faust do it for me. It was, of course, a confidential job.

Got to go train some more.

-_Tao Ren_

_Dear Journal,_

Today I sat under a tree. Anna made me train. I drank a lemonade. Ren is angry (what else is new?). I haven't seen Horhoro all day. Same with Manta. Ryu is off as a sushi chef in America. Chocolove is with Ryu, but he's just visiting some friends (not his scary friends from his gang days) over there. Lyserg is mad at Hao (see above comment about Ren).

Tamao's pink hair is kinda cute.

I think that's enough writing for today.

_-Yoh_

_Dear Journal,_

I made dinner today. Master Yoh said it was good…. And smiled at me!

I fainted. Master Yoh seemed very concerned!

Lady Anna glared at me, though.

_-Love, Tamao_

_Dear Journal,_

Today me and Kororo went snowboarding!

Pirka yelled at me when I got back home. She was real mad because I missed training (apparently she got some good tips from Anna… RED ALERT: she's caught on about the electric chair!)

I'll have to conveniently miss training tomorrow, too. And the day after that… and the day after that…

_From, Horohoro_

_Dear Journal,_

Horohoro and I went snowboarding today! Whee!

I haven't seen Manta for a while…

WAIT! I'm sensing that he's in danger! Must save him!

_-Kororo_

_Dear Journal,_

My father has kidnapped me! (Kind of) He's shipped me off to America for that stupid education… now I'll never see Yoh ever again!

Oh, yeah, I saw Chocolove today. But he seemed to think I was joking about my situation, and made a rude joke about my height. Hmph! Well, it seems I can't rely on _him._

I hate my boarding school. Everyone here is really tall, and no one can see ghosts like I can. I wish Yoh or some other shaman (BESIDES CHOCOLOVE) was here…

_- Manta_


	2. Ren Goes to the Hospital

a/n: Much thanks to all those who reviewed! Reviews are great. :) Hope you like the chappie.

**Chapter Two: Ren Goes to the Hospital**

_Dear Journal,_

Can't write much. Too busy plotting Hao's downfall. Just a few finishing touches….

Don't fret sockies! You will be saved!

_Sincerely, Lyserg Diethel_

_Dear Journal,_

Ren came in to see me (blushing no less… wish I had a camera!).

"I have no idea how you convinced me to kiss that Pirka. Even for the milk…"

I laughed. "Now, don't go trying to back out now! A deal's a deal!"

He glowered at me. "DARN YOU! THAT JEANNE WAS RIGHT! YOU REALLY _ARE_ THE DEVIL! I SHOULD'VE NEVER MADE A DEAL WITH YOU!"

What a compliment!

Ren left, slamming the door behind him. I heard a sort of splashing sound, accompanied by Ren's scream of rage, and opened the door.

There stood Ren, honorable Chinese shaman, covered in glue and pink feathers!

I laughed some more. Who did this?

Lyserg, looking triumphant, rushed up.

"Ha, Hao-" he quickly broke a nearby vase (I noticed he breaks things whenever he says or hears my name… what a cute habit!), "I've finally gotten my-"

He stopped his gloating (which is good, because that's _my _thing!) to look at a very, very, very, _very_ angry Ren covered in pink feathers.

"Oh," he said sheepishly, "Sorry."

"AAAUUUGGGH!" Ren shouted, and he went into feral attack-mode!

Lyserg ran from the other boy, who was closely in pursuit.

He managed to make a fist at me as he ran. "I will get you if it's the last thing I do!" he screamed at me.

That boy is simply _delightful!_

-_Deigned worthy of writing by the All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

Stupid Lyserg. Stupid, stupid British freak. He will pay!

Here is my list of priorities (in order of importance):

1. milk

2. revenge (on Lyserg… and probably Hao, too, but I can't kill him until _after _I get the milk and my Kwan Dao)

3. Kwan Dao

Anyway, since numbers 1 and 3 both hinge on me kissing that stupid girl, I guess _that's_ pretty important, too.

Ugh, I hate this day.

First I get covered in pink feathers, then I have to kiss a girl.

I need to go take an aspirin.

_-Tao Ren_

_Dear Journal,_

Curse that little weasel (a.k.a. Tamao). I saw Yoh smile at her during dinner last night!

He got a half hour in the electric chair just for that, by the way.

Oh, and I dyed my hair pink. Now Tamao's got nothing on me!

_-Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

Wow. I was just getting a soda just now, and I ran into Anna.

Her hair was pink! (kinda like Tamao's…)

She glared at me as she passed. I took a double take.

"Wow, you're hair's kinda cute that color!" She slapped me, but she looked sort of pleased.

I haven't seen Kororo since…

WAIT A MINUTE! KORORO'S MISSING?

Well, I hope she comes home soon… who's gonna take care of me? Who's going to cook my Cheerio's in the morning? I swear, I never got the knack for pouring the milk and cereal into the bowl like that…

_from Horohoro_

_Dear Journal,_

I went to Yoh's today, sporting a net (Horohoro skipped again today, that little-!).

Anyway.

I looked for Horohoro, but Yoh said he'd just left. Aaagh, he's totally avoiding me!

Anyway, the one guy with the weird pointy hair (Ren, I think?) came into the kitchen. He was very grumbly, grumbling things like "feathers… stupid Lyserg…".

Then he took a milk out of the fridge and took a sip. "Stupid Anna… last milk…" he grumbled.

EXCUSE ME? First of all, Lyserg is a sweetie-pie (even if he does get a little weird around Hao) but more importantly ANNA IS A GENIUS OF TORTURE- I MEAN, TRAINING!

So I glared at him for saying such things of a genius such as her.

He looked up. He got really pale, for some reason. He put down his milk.

"Um, hey, um, um, P-Pirka," he stuttered.

I raised an eyebrow. What a loser!

"Hi?" I said.

He nodded. Then he slowly stepped closer, then…

HE KISSED ME! THAT $#&$!#!$#!$!$#$!#$ STOLE MY FIRST KISS!

So I hit him. Hard. Hee hee, I think I might have broken six ribs and busted an organ!

_from the sweet Pirka_

_Dear Journal,_

Great. Now I'm in the hospital.

It's all that stupid Ainu girl's fault! She broke two of my ribs!

Stupid Ainu girl. Stupid Hao.

This day is just a huge downward spiral.

_Tao Ren_


	3. The Miniskirt

a/n: Pirka breaking Ren's ribs is kind of a reference to Tsunade from Naruto, which (like Shaman King) I don't own. Just wanted to point that out. :) Thanks so much to all who reviewed; I'm so glad you like my story:D Reviews rock! This chapter's not one of my favorites, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. :)

**Chapter Three: The Miniskirt **

_Dear Journal,_

My plan didn't work. Instead, I got Ren angry with me. But someday I will get my revenge on _him!_

_Sincerely, Lyserg Diethel_

_Dear Journal,_

So far, I'm liking the hospital. They have lots of milk, and I get to watch TV. Although I do miss training, I am quite enamored by _Spongebob Squarepants_.

_- Tao Ren_

_Dear Journal,_

Ye gads, Horohoro is getting all big-brotherly on me! If he wants me to keep making him Cheerios in Kororo's absence, he'd better behave!

I told him how Ren kissed me, and now he says he's going to kill him "to protect my maidenly honor". It's none of his business!

And besides… I did a pretty good job of protecting my "maidenly honor" by myself!

Oh, I heard Ren's in the hospital.

Tee hee…

_- from the sweet Pirka_

_Dear Journal_

Agh, that Ren! He better keep his sleazy hands off Pirka!

_from Horohoro_

_Dear Journal,_

Yesterday, Ren landed himself in the hospital. I hear Pirka broke three of his ribs.

Hee hee.

But with Ren gone I have less people to irritate.

Hm… maybe I should mess with Tamao a little bit…

_Deigned worthy of writing by the All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

Horohoro is mad at Ren. It's not fun; I hate it when my friends fight. It has something to do with what Horohoro calls, "Pirka's maidenly honor". Hm. I'll have to go visit Ren in the hospital (I heard that Pirka put him there).

Anna's new hair color is nice. It looked fine before, though. I wonder if it's a new trend…? Tamao has the same color.

_Yoh_

_Dear Journal,_

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

_Oh. My. Gawd._

Yoh said my hair looked cute!

I'm taking everyone out to dinner tonight! On me! No training!

_Love, Asakura Anna_

P.S. I hear Ren's in the hospital. Serves him right, asking for his blasted milk all the time!

_Dear Journal,_

Master Hao came to talk with me while I was vacuuming today.

He said that to make boys like you, you should dress like an American pop idol, like Britney Spears.

Well, I know I don't have a chance with Master Yoh, but…

Master Hao took me shopping and we picked out a really short skirt. I'm embarrassed to wear it, but if Master Yoh likes it I will do so. Master Hao urged me to get the halter top, too, but I couldn't possibly go out into public in such clothing!

_-Love, Tamao_

_Dear Journal,_

Hee hee, Tamao is such a sweet girl! So gullible.

At the very least (with this plan) I can cause a little chaos, at best, I can steal Anna from Yoh!

I hope Ren comes home soon. Things are less entertaining around here without that little squirt.

- _Deigned worthy of writing by the All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

Today Yoh came to see me. I was angry because he was interrupting this really good episode of my new favorite soap (hey! When you're stuck in a hospital bed all day, there's nothing better to do!).

Anyway, Crystal was kidnapped and Eric, her scorned lover, was trying to track her down while her fiancé, Jake, was seduced by Mina… who actually is trying to kill him!).

Anyway.

Yoh was very concerned by how I hurt myself, but I told him I tripped. How can I tell my rival/ally that some girl beat me up?

Anyway, today I made Bason fetch Penelope.

Yay! Although I made Bason promise not to talk.

_-Tao Ren_

_Dear Journal,_

Ren seemed to be okay. He switched the TV off really quickly when I came in, though. I wonder why…?

He denied that he was beaten up by Pirka, but I kind of expected that.

Anna's going to take us out to dinner tonight, and I don't have to do any training?

Did she get brainwashed or something? Are aliens involved? What's up with her?

Tamao was wearing this skirt today. It was cute, but it was really short and not typical Tamao attire.

_-Yoh_

_Dear Journal,_

I wore the skirt Master Hao helped me to pick out today, and I can tell Master Yoh liked it!

Lady Anna made me do two hours of the electric chair, though… I think Ponchi and Konchi hinted about it to her…. I hate them…

Anyway, it was really scary: I was dusting, and I saw Ryu. I was completely mortified, because he said:

"Wow, Tamao, that skirt is really…. " he was stunned, but then he snapped back into reality: "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

"EEEEK!" I said, and now I'm hiding under my bed.

I hope he doesn't find me!

_- Love, Tamao_

_Dear Journal,_

Today I got back from my job as a sushi chef. I just missed the boys and my shaman friends so much that I couldn't stay away.

Plus, I missed Jun's dress.

Anyway, I got home from America… and I saw Tamao!

She was wearing this really adorable, really short skirt.

So I asked her to marry me. She refused, but I know she's just playing hard to get, because my pompadour has grown even more irresistible since I last saw her!

_Ryu, Pompadour King_


	4. Tao Pirka

**Chapter Four: Tao Pirka **

a/n: Today for the author's note, I am asking the Iron Maiden to deliver a disclaimer. It's fun to make characters do your bidding!

Jeanne: Right, Maiden-Chan - hey, that's _my_ name!

Me: Get on with it, Jeanne!

Marco: DO NOT ADDRESS MAIDEN-SAMA THAT WAY!

Me: (calls security on him)

Jeanne: (gasps)

Me: Don't worry, he's not important to the story anyway.

Jeanne: Well, I guess he was pretty annoying. Acting like _he _was the leader of the X-Laws and being so mean to my Lyserg - oops, I mean Lyserg-san! Alright. Maiden-Chan does not own Shaman King, nor does she own any of it's characters. She would like to thank all of her reviewers and asks that you review.

Me: Right!

Jeanne: _Now _do I get to be in the story?

Me: Okay, but just be patient. Oh, and by the way, does everyone notice how Hao is basically the root of all havoc in this story?

Jeanne: HE IS EVIL!

Me: Um, yeah, okay. You're part's over... On with the story!

_Dear Journal,_

Wow, Hao says Ren really misses me and wants me to come see him. Poor, disillusioned guy. I mean, he must really love me if I break his ribs and he _still _wants to see me.

I guess I won't kick his you-know-what this time, but I will have to straighten him out.

_- from the sweet Pirka_

_Dear Journal,_

Hao (aka the jerk) visited me in my hospital bed today. He brought proof that Anna is restocking milk (as in, pictures of a milk-filled fridge). I don't know how he convinced her… wait, I do. Probably with bribery and/or blackmail.

Anyway, if I want to get my Kwan Dao back, I have to keep our little deal secret. I hate these stupid attachments as much as I hate Hao, but I guess I'll go through with it.

He said he'd be watching me to make sure I kept the deal. Yeah, right... he can be so melodramtic.

_Tao Ren_

_Dear Journal,_

I hate this school. I've decided to break out!

The only question is how. Hmmm….

Today Chocolove went home. So now I don't have _anyone _around!

_- Manta_

_Dear Journal,_

AAAAGHH! THAT STUPID WEASEL'S AT IT AGAIN! CURSE HER!

She is totally trying to seduce my hawt Yoh with her miniskirt! Just like Mina seducing Crystal's fiancée, Jake, on _All of My Offspring_!

Only, you know, I'm cuter than Crystal and Tamao's not trying to kill Yoh, and…

Okay, maybe it's not quite like that.

Anyway, I gave her more time in the electric chair, but it doesn't seem to stop her!

INS'T MY TOUGH SHAMAN-CHICK APPEAL ENOUGH, YOH?

Okay, if I must reveal my valley-girl side to win Yoh over, then I will!

Besides, I threw my tough-girl image out the window when I dyed my hair pink.

Though I will be sad to give up my torture- _training! _I mean _training _tools!

_- Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

Okay, so I visited Ren (the pointy haired guy) today. I met his sister, Jun, and she's really cool! I didn't even know Ren _had _a sister, much less such a cool one.

So we went in to see him together. He was watching TV, but he turned it off really quickly when he saw us.

"Uh, hi Jun, and," his face turned pale, (probably from the great, pleasant surprise of seeing me!) "Pirka."

Jun narrowed her eyes. "Were you watching soaps again?"

Ren looked down guiltily. "Nooo…."

I picked up the remote and pressed the 'on' button.

"Ohmygawd, it's Eric confessing his unrequited love to Crystal!" I cried. I'd been so caught up in my real life drama that I'd forgotten all about my soap!

Ren was staring, transfixed, at the screen.

"I know, but she's in love with Jake," he said, perfectly serious.

"But Mina's seduced him. Hey, did you hear that it was actually Mina's evil twin who did that?" I replied.

"No way!" he exclaimed.

Jun turned off the TV. She looked happy.

"Aw, Lian's got a girlfriend!"

"Do not!" he shouted. I felt that even though he must have loved me, he said this because according to all my previous actions I didn't seem to reciprocate these feelings. Because I'm sure he _wants _me as a girlfriend, but the sad fact is that I'm not.

Jun picked something up from under the bed (where it seemed to be hidden).

"Aw, look, it's Penelope!" Jun squealed, "I didn't know you still played with such things!"

"I don't play with it," he mumbled.

"He's trying to be a tough guy," Jun explained, "he's really a softie on the inside. He sleeps with Penelope every night!"

"Do not!" he exclaimed, although he was blushing.

Suddenly, I realize something.

Ren is hot, sensitive, though, hardworking (unlike some Ainu boys I know coughcoughHorohorocoughcough) AND HE WATCHES SOAPS!

So that makes us soulmates!

"Ren," I say solemnly, "we should marry. Or, date at any rate. I mean, I know you like me, because you kissed me-" Jun suddenly looks delighted, for some reason, "and I'm sorry I hit you, because now I've changed my mind! I love you, Renny!"

Ren looks like he's not able to breathe. Probably from joy.

Jun pulls me out of the room.

"He kissed you! Ohmygawd, he kissed you!" She squeals and jumps up and down. I join her.

"We thought he was never going to have friends, much less a girlfriend – he's sort of socially inept, you know? And then how would there be more heirs to the Tao family, if he never got a girlfriend to become his wife? We need to start planning the wedding right away! I'll tell Mother and Father and Grandfather and Bailong…"

Yay! We're going to get married! I'll be Tao Pirka!

_- from the sweet Pirka_

_Dear Journal,_

Pirka just left. I'm feeling sick to my stomach. And kind of homicidal at the same time. I mean, she called me _Renny._

Hold on. I've got to puke.

_- Tao Ren_


	5. Anna's Cheerleading Squad

**Anna's Cheerleading Squad**

_Dear Journal, _

I started recruiting cheerleaders today. That's right, to express my girly side, I will be a cheerleader!

Tamao was easy to recruit. And _yes, _I _do _want her on my squad. I want Yoh to see what a pathetic cheerleader she is and lose all feelings of attraction for her. Bwahaha!

"Tamao," I said, smiling but narrowing my eyes dangerously, "you want to be on my cheerleading team, right? RIGHT?"

She made a 'meep' sound.

"Yes, yes, of course, Lady Anna!"

"Good," I say. And that was that!

Then I went to the sidewalk and stood there with Tamao and a big sign that read: RECRUITING CHEERLEADERS.

Soon, the Hanagumi (Kanna, Macchi, and Mari) walked by.

"Ooh! Cheerleading!" squealed Macchi.

"No. Way." said Kanna, even though she looked interested in it as well.

"Kanna, Mari remembers that this is headphones' fiancé. Maybe by joining we'll-" Mari said, but I cut her short.

"That's enough!" I said, stomping my foot.

I pulled out a permanent marker and changed the sign. It now read:

RECRUTING CHEERLEADERS – NO YOH GROUPIES ALLOWED.

A couple fangirls walking by groaned and grumbled, but left.

"Hmm. Oh well, Mari's still got pointy head-"

A silhouetted figure appeared against the sunset. "No way, witches, he's mine!" We all squinted to see who it was. It was Pirka.

"Oh, really?" Kanna asked.

"Yup, he kissed me! And we're totally getting married." Pirka reported proudly.

"Awww…" the Hanagumi chorused, disappointed.

"So… who _is _hot and available?" Macchi asked.

"Bailong?" Mari suggested.

"Dead. Plus, I think Jun's got dibs," Kanna replied.

"Enough!" I told them, "are you joining up or not!"

I turned to Pirka. "Oh, and by the way, did the electric chair tip work? I think it works great for torture – er-"

Pirka smiled warmly. "It's okay, Anna, you can be honest with me. We both know what we really mean by 'training'." She grinned wickedly. She was right, of course. Then she sighed. "No," she said, "he's been avoiding me."

The Hangumi conversed among themselves. Then Kanna, spokeswitch of the group, said, "Why not? We're in."

"I'm definitely joining," Pirka said, "this is my chance to show Ren how cute, atheletic, and talented I am!"

I put their names down on the list with mine and Tamao's.

Next, Jeanne walked up. Stupid stuck up prig.

"Goodness, Miss Anna," she said, her eyes widening in childlike innocence. Yeah, right. "How can you live with the guilt of wearing such scandalous cheerleading outfits? For such frivolous a purpose as impressing boys-"

"HEY! That's not frivolous, that's important!" I shouted.

"You sing it sister!" Pirka chimed in.

Jeanne ignored us, "-when you should be praying or torturing yourself for the sake of justice!"

The Hangumi stuck their tongues out in disgust. "Yup, impressing boys is much better" Macchi said.

But Jeanne looked like at this point, she wasn't listening.

"Yes, Lord?" she said. She was staring, wide-eyed with awe at ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

"I had my suspicions, but this crunches it – SHE'S STARK RAVING MAD!" Kanna whispered.

"If you say it, than so it shall be!" Jeanne proclaims as she turns back to us.

"The Lord says that I must join you," she said hesitantly, "so I'll join you."

"No way!" I tell her, "you're not joining _my _team!"

She pulls out her oversoul. "You dare defy the Lord?" she says menacingly in her cute little ten-year-old voice.

So I signed her up. I think me, Pirka, Kanna, Macchi, and Mari could've teamed up and taken her down… but…

Well, by having her on the team Yoh will probably think I'm fun (in comparison to her, I'm a wild party girl!).

More recruiting scheduled for tomorrow!

_Love, Askakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

Ha! I've created it! The one thing that can defeat Hao! I therefore call it (drum roll, please) THE HAO –

Oops, broke my pencil, now I'm writing in pen.

-VANGQUISHER 2000!

_Sincerely, Lyserg Diethel_

_Dear Journal,_

Ha ha! I read that little Lyserg's diary (hey! It wasn't hidden - well, it wasn't hidden _well_... - or anything, so it was fair game!)

He's planning to vanquish me with some "Hao Vanquisher 2000".

If he wants to play that game… then… well…

TASTE THE WRATH OF MY LYSERG DESTROYER 30,201!

Oh, and I've got quite the surprise for Ren when he gets back from the hospital…

_Deigned worthy of writing by the All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

Yessssss!

I just got home from the hospital! And Hao made good on his word – there's plenty of milk in the fridge.

And then, as I was drinking milk bottle number two for today, a rabid fangirl pounced on me! She knocked me over!

Well, Pirka, rabid fangirl, same thing.

"Renny!" she squealed.

"Go.Away." I grunted, trying to suppress my urge to hurt her. "And don't call me Renny, or any other insanely sweet nickname that makes me puke!"

She giggled. "Aw, you're such a tough guy! Guess what?"

"You're going to leave me alone!"

She laughed obnoxiously for about thirty seconds straight.

"Nope! I joined the cheerleading squad!"

"What? What cheerleading squad?"

"Anna's cheerleading squad, silly!"

Anna? Cheerleading? In the same sentence?

"Anyway, you have to come see me cheer!"

"NO WAY!" I cried, slamming down my empty bottle.

She began to sob.

Horohoro conveniently walked in.

"What'd you do to my little sister?" he yelled, cracking his knuckles.

"Nothing, you Ainu freak!" I yelled back.

"H-h-he…" Pirka sniveled.

"Fine! I'll come watch you sometime!"

Pirka was automatically cheerful again. Horohoro left, disappointed.

Then I ran away as fast as I could, before Pirka decided to do something drastic like - shudder - _hug _me!

Oh, wait, someone's knocking on the door. Great, it's Hao. And he has something in his hands…?

This cannot be good.

_Tao Ren_

a/n: Minor cliffie there. :) Thanks for all the reviews! I'll give you a preview for next chapter: Ren gets in even deeper trouble with Hao, Anna needs to learn German, and Manta finally finds a way to escape... Review!


	6. Helicopter Heist

Shaman Journals Part Six

a/n: Thanks so much for all the reviews! Reviews are always appreciated. :) And about Anna's OOCness... it's _supposed _to be weird:) And besides, it's her secret diary. You notice how she still acts tough and kind of scary to everyone else, but then she's got this side of her that's super girly (only revealed in her diary!).

**Chapter Six: The Helicopter Heist **

_Dear Journal,_

Got three new members to join the squad today!

At first, me and the squad recruited yesterday were just boredly sitting near the sidewalk. Pirka was gabbing about Ren, and Jeanne was trying to get me to change the uniform to include those keyhole belts. Like she wears.

Yeah, right. Those are totally un-sylish.

I tuned them both out and thought about Yoh. How cute the look on his face was as he did the electric chair… pained, but ever so sweet...

I was snapped out of this reverie by a car pulling up.

Then _he _came out.

Sick psychopath… Yeah, I know he's gotten better since that pretty blonde wife of his came back, but he's still a freak.

HE TRIED TO KILL YOH! HE CAN NEVER MAKE UP FOR THAT!

He smiled, acting all nice. "Gudentag, Miss Anna," he said, with a tip of his hat. I fixed a cold gaze on him.

"Hello, Faust. Stop speaking your weird German, you sicko. For all I know you could've said, "I want to kill Yoh" in German," I said.

He looked a tad shaken. "Um, well, my dear Eliza was interested in joining up with you all…"

The passenger seat door opened, and Eliza stepped out. "Johann," she whined, "I don't want to-"

He clapped a hand over her mouth. "Of course, yes, she wants to join very much!" he said with a smile.

We signed her up.

"Goodbye, my darling Eliza!" said Faust, waving and smiling as he drove off.

Eliza glared.

"He just wants to see me in one of those cheerleading skirts…" she muttered darkly.

"Now, don't be that way!" Jun walked toward us, smiling in greeting.

Pirka squealed. "Future sister-in-law!" she cried.

"Future sister-in-law!" Jun exclaimed, embracing her.

Okay, that was weird.

"So, Jun, are you joining?" I asked.

She nodded. "Bailong insisted."  
Eliza muttered something that sounded like, "…guys are pervs…"  
Bailong appeared beside Jun.

"Yes," he enthused, "it'll be so much fun! Sign us up!"

"'Us'?" I asked.

"Yes, Bailong and I both want to join!" Jun told me, "so we can bond!"

Eliza smiled approving. "Now there's a good man!" she said.

Bailong inquired, "Will the uniforms be pink?

What genius! "Yes, Bailong!" I replied readily, "great idea! Pink will match my hair perfectly!"

"YESSS!" said Bailong, "pink is pretty!"

The Hanagumi laughed.

Eliza sweatdropped.

"Hmm.. he's kind.. you know..." she mumbled.

"Who you calling gay, blondie?" Bailong asked, narrowing his eyes.

Eliza was silent. Jun was furious.

"How could you call Bailong girly?" she said angrily, "why, he's incredibly hot, strong, and in every other way manly!"

If you ask me, Jun was just mad that Eliza called her boyfriend gay.

I signed them up.

The two glared at one another.

"Oh, look at the time!" I said, looking at my wrist, (which, blast it, was watchless!) "practice is over! Remember, come back tomorrow at 1:15 sharp!"

"But, Lady Anna!" Tamao exclaimed. Great. The weasel had the good sense not to speak before, but _now, _of all times, she decides to talk! She'll get the electric chair for that…

"You're not wearing a watch! And we've only been here ten minutes!"

"YOU DARE QUESTION _ME?_ FUTURE SHAMAN QUEEN, ANNA THE ITAKO?"

"N-no, Lady Anna!" Tamao said, scared.

And despite my pink hair, everyone was intimidated. They obeyed me, and they scurried home.

Although Pirka did grumble "Future shaman queen my foot… that'd be me!" But I decided not to inflict punishment on her because she's normally so cooperative.

Blast. I still have work to do if I want to come off as a girly-girl…

_-Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

Today I blackmailed Ren!

I knocked, then came in. See, I respect peoples' privacy! Sort of. "What are _you _doing here?" he spat.

I chuckled evilly. "Oh, nothing Ren. You know how I said I'd be watching you, at the hospital? To make sure you didn't spill the beans to Pirka?"

Ren looked at me warily, a bit frightened.

"Yes?" he mumbled.

"Well," I said cheerfully, "I was very literal!"

He spat out the water. "WHAT! YOU WERE IN THERE THE WHOLE TIME?"

I laughed. "No, no, Ren, if I were in the hospital, I couldn't be here bothering the others! No, that would be too much of a drag. Much too troublesome."

He mumbled, "Oh, there you go, taking the catch phases of other manga characters."

"Don't be silly, I blackmailed Shikamaru into giving it to me!"

"Poor guy…" Ren muttered, "What'd you blackmail him with?"

"That is only for me, Shikamaru, and Temari to know! ANYWAY," I said, clearing my throat, "I videotaped you!" I held up a disc that held the information.

"WHAT?" he screamed.

"Yes, on this simple disc is footage of you talking to and cuddling with your wittle stuffed tiger – Penelope, right? – and watching soap operas!"

Ren's face turned very red, and he looked like he was going to explode.

"YOU – YOU – GIVE ME THAT!" he said, taking the disc and breaking it in half.

I allowed him to do so. There was a look of relief on his face as he threw the halves of the dvd on the ground.

"There," he said happily.

"No worries!" I exclaimed, "I made seventy-five more of them!"

Ren became even redder than before. He couldn't breathe.

"Now, now, get a hold of yourself or I will be forced to bring Horohoro in to give you mouth-to-mouth recessetation."

He got a hold on himself very quickly. Hmm, too bad.

"Now," I said, "if you don't want this tape to be released, you will go on a romantic candlelit dinner date with Pirka!"

He looked completely disgusted.

"NO WA-"

I pointed to the disc.

He glared at me.

"You are sick and evil, you know that? Sick. And. Evil."

And then he trudged out of the room.

It's so good to have Ren home!

_Deigned worthy of writing by the All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

Wahoo! I've stolen a helicopter and am flying to Japan! Wait… can helicopters cross oceans? I'm not sure…

Wait a minute… should I be writing in my journal while I'm trying to fly a helicopter?

Eeek! I don't know how to fly a helicopter!

Wait… are helicopters supposed to set on fire?

Oh… well... I'm sure it's quite normal… Yes, I'm sure of it!

Eeek! I'm about to crash! Gotta go!

_- Manta_


	7. The Stolen Sockies Change Hands

**Chapter Seven: The Sockies Change Hands **

a/n: Thanks for the reviews, they really keep me motivated. :) Enjoy!

_Dear Journal,_

Ah! I finally got home from America today! Hao gave me a present, isn't that so kind of him?

Brim!

It was a pair of socks. They're super-cool; they have this green plaid pattern that kinda reminds me of Lyserg's cape.

Tape!

Anyway, they looked kind of used, but they're still really cool. I didn't know Hao was so kind…  
Mind!

_Chocolove McDaniel_

_Dear Journal,_

I woke up in the school nurse's office today. Apparently, I crash-landed in the schoolyard I was trying to escape. How very ironic.

I wasn't hurt, at least.

But the really weird part was that Kororo came up and was all! "Pupupu!"

"AAAAGGGH!" I screamed. Why did that creepy little stalker thing come here?

The nurse came in.

"Hush! Now, now, that's no way to treat your second cousin thrice removed. Sally Smith-Oyamada, right?"

"Pupupu!" Kororo nodded happily in agreement.

"WHAT THE-? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THIS ISN'T A HUMAN? IT'S WAY TOO SMALL!"

The nurse looked at me angrily. "Manta, I can't believe it! Where are your manners? 'Not human…' humph! One could say the same thing to you! I can see that your height runs in the family…"

Kororo looked at me sadly. Her eyes got all big and teary.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry Kororo," I said. Kororo smiled.

"Pupupu!"

"Look, Kororo, I don't know what you're saying."

She gave me a device. "Huh? What's this?"

She pointed to my ear. I put it in. Suddenly I could understand Korropukkur speech!

"This is the latest model of the Language Decoder! It's what all the shamans – and me, of course - use to translate languages that aren't their own!" I said, recognizing it with a smile, "but Korropukkuranese must be new!"

Kororo nodded. "Yes, they just added it!"

"Wow," I said. Then I got an idea.

"Kororo, you must know how it feels to be short, right? And how people pick on you?" She nodded sadly.

"Well, that's how I feel at this school! I want to go back to Japan, so will you help me?"

Kororo thought for a minute, then solemnly said:

"Yes, if Manta wants to go back to Japan, Kororo will aid Manta!"

Yessss! Sometimes it comes in handy to have creepy little things stalking you!

_Manta_

_Dear Journal, _

Yay! I have finally tracked down Manta! And I gave him the LD, so now I can profess my undieing love for him! Anyway, I'm going to help him come back to Japan. He seems really unhappy in his school. I would be unhappy, too, if I were half the world away from Manta!

_-Kororo_

_Dear Journal,_

Aagh! Chocolove has taken my socks! So he's in on it, too, eh? Stupid you-know-who and he are in on some plot, eh?  
HE SHALL TASTE THE WRATH OF MY YOU-KNOW-WHO-VANQUISHER 2000! Yes, there are still a few kinks I need to work out before I use it on my arch-nemesis, but I suppose I can use it on that stupid traitor scum, Chocolove, as a test run…

_Sincerely, Lyserg Diethel_

_Dear Journal,_

I've started writing our cheer. It goes like this:

"Ra, ra!

La, la!

We're the best cheerers in the land,

Give us all a big hand!"

It's brilliant, isn't it? I don't know why everyone grumbled when they heard it. It really is genius.

That's it, of course, they're jealous!

Oh, and that stupid Tamao brought _cookies _when she came to practice today. She made a bunch of chocolate chip cookies and gave them to everyone! This is a blatant act of treachery! Even Pirka took one!

I told Yoh about the cheerleading team. He wasn't very impressed. Blast it!

_- Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

Today I brought cookies to practice! Lady Anna was very angry.

"Here, everyone, I brought cookies!" I said.

"DON'T EAT THEM!" Lady Anna yelled.

Macchi took one and ate it. "Hey, these are good!" she said enthusiastically. She took another.

Kanna took it from her. "Uh-uh, you know what your doctor says about you and sugar!"

But Macchi wasn't listening. She was running in circles singing "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round" for about ten minutes. Thank goodness it ended after the sugar high wore off. Sugar does _not _affect her in a normal way...

Kanna munched on the cookie, swallowed, then said, "Hey, these _are _pretty good!" Everyone else took one, except Pirka and Lady Anna.

Mari took a bite of a cookie, and then smiled at me. "Mari likes it!" she said.

"Mmm, this is almost as good as my secret recipe!" said Bailong appreciatively.

"These are _really _good!" Jun declared.

Jeanne hesitantly took a bite of hers. Her mouth widened into a huge smile.

"Mmm, it's been two years since I've tasted sugar! How good it feels to break my fast! Surely because I'm doing your work, Lord, you will allow me to treat myself!"

We all stared at her for a bit. She didn't even notice. She just kept happily taking small bites of the cookie.

Pirka looked reluctantly at Lady Anna, then took one. She said: "Mmm, if only Horohoro could cook like this! Then I wouldn't have to make all of his food for him! He doesn't even appreciate my cooking, he thinks it's awful!" She went on a rant, talking about how unappreciative he was.

Lady Anna merely glared at me.

"Aren't you going to eat one, Anna? Mari likes them so very much!" Mari said, prompting her to try one.

Lady Anna glared at me some more.

Oh well. Lady Anna works us so hard; I thought I'd bring a little treat. I hate to say it, but the cheer she's composed is really quite dumb.

_Love, Tamao_


	8. Mutiny On the Squad

**Mutiny! (gasp!)**

a/n: Once again, I'd like to thank you for all of your reviews! Updates will start coming more slowly, because I don't have the chapters all lined up from here on out. I was tempted to call this chapter "Lyserg Goes to the Darkside". Lol, enjoy!

_Dear Journal,_

Ah, Lyserg is at it again!

This morning, I went to the bathroom pretty early. I was still wearing my fluffy blue robe and bunny slippers. I have to get up early if I want to get there before everyone else (in order to make my brown locks shiny and smooth).

Although lately, the lovely Anna has been beating me to it. She's become quite vain. Now we have more in common!

Anyway, today, Anna was impatiently waiting outside of the bathroom, tapping her foot.

"What is it?" I asked somewhat groggily.

She pointed dangerously at the floor of the doorway. "It's _him. _He was just here this morning, dead! I don't know what happened to him, but of course I can't just step over him! So I was waiting for someone to come and pick him up." Her eyes lit up meanly. "You can do that!"

I looked where she'd pointed (one can imagine that I was looking elsewhere, considering her nightie's somewhat low neckline…). I let out a melodramatic gasp. It was Chocolove – dead!

Actually, he wasn't dead. I just thought it was so much more melodramatic to say 'dead', don't you think?

Anyhoo, he was only unconscious or too weak to move or something. He had some liquid that looked like milk covering him.

"My dear Anna-" I said in my Sherlock Homes British accent, but she slapped me for calling her 'dear' "- I do believe that this is the work of Lyserg. It's quite elementary. He used a device known only as the Hao-"

There was the sound of a vase crashing. Lyserg, seething with fury and with an almost insane look in his eyes crawled out of his hiding place beneath the table, having revealed himself by smashing the vase that had been on top of the table anyway.

"HEY! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'SE BEEN BREAKING ALL MY VASES!" Anna shouted.

A maniacal smile spread across his face. He ignored Anna. "Yes, one of your own has fallen, you fiend! I could hardly contain myself as you mocked my profession, my accent, and my idol, Sherlock Homes. BUT NOW I MAY RANT! It is due to the genius of me, Lyserg Diethel, that Chocolove is down! It is because of my marvelous creation, the Hao-" he made a face as though he was trying very hard not to break anything, "-Vanquisher 2000! IT IS MY GENIUS INVENTION THAT FALLED HIM!"

A raspy murmer came from the almost-corpse of Chocolove:

"lactose… intolerant…"

We all just stared at him disbelievingly.

Then Lyserg cackled again. "YOU ARE THE NEXT VICTIM, HAO!"

He struggeled with himself for a bit, and then broke the desk he'd been standing under.

"BWAHAHA!" he screamed as he ran off.

Now, I love Lyserg and all, but he's starting to get a little bit creepy. Like, he's going over to the … _dark side _(and not mine). Plus, I'm a little miffed with him because Anna made me clean up the vases he broke, so I didn't even get a turn in the bathroom until late.

_Deigned worthy of writing by the All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

Today Renny-poo asked me out! (Of course, I'm not allowed to call him that… he's such a tough guy!)

We were in the kitchen, and I was watching him drink his milk. He _says _he doesn't like it when I do that, because it's stalkerish, but I say that it's just a symbol of true love! Isn't it all alright for a girlfriend to watch her boyfriend drinking his milk?

So anyway, then he said: (he's so shy, he could hardly say it!)

"So… P- Pirka… do you… want to… go… gooutwithme?" he blurted out the last part. Poor Renny, so shy!

I jumped up into the air with happiness "OF COURSE!" I screamed.

He glared at me. Renny doesn't like it when I get too loud.

I giggled cutely. "Sorry!" I said.

Horohoro walked in. Agh, what's his problem? He's always trying to ruin things between me and Ren! Can't he see that it's _true love?_

He glared at Ren. "What're you doing to Pirka? I heard her screaming!"

Ren glared back. "I didn't do anything! I… Iaskedheroutonadate!"

Aw, so cute!

Horohoro's eyes bugged out of their sockets. "YOU WHAT?" he shouted. He looked so angry that he might explode. Then he said, "Well, you better not take advantage of her. Pirka's just a little girl, and I don't want you do anything to her!"

I wish he'd lay off my true love. What if Ren leaves me? Then what will I do? My life will go back to an endless cycle of meaningless training for certain Ainu boys (coughcoughHorohorocoughcough) who don't even appreciate it

_- from the sweet Pirka_

_Dear Journal,_

I asked Pirka out to dinner tonight. The annoying girl got all excited and started jumping around. It was actually kind of cute.

WAIT, DID I JUST WRITE THAT? WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME!

Anyway, then her even more annoying brother came in. He started yelling at me, because I asked Pirka out.

"Well, you better not take advantage of her. Pirka's just a little girl, and I don't want you do anything to her!" he commanded me.

I stared at him coldly. We both know that Pirka's more than 'just a little girl'. If I tried something on her, she'd probably beat me up.

Wait! That's it! _That's _how I'll break up with her! I don't mind going back to the hospital, as long as I never have to hang out with her ever again!

All right, I'll do it tonight. I got reservations to a really nice place too (I asked Jun about where to go, because if it wasn't romantic enough Hao might rat me out… anyway, Jun was delighted. I have the feeling that when I go back home, everyone will be asking me what kind of wedding I'd like.)

_Tao Ren_

_Dear Journal,_

This morning Anna was irritated because Chocolove almost died from some machine thingy that Lyserg has. Anyway, the poor guy is lactose intolerant, and apparently Lyserg's machine used milk. Lyserg's been going kind of weird lately… I don't like that he's trying to hurt people with this thing.

Anyway, for some reason, Anna came home all sad today. She was fine this morning, I don't know what's wrong with her… I should probably ask. Tamao's a little bit extra cheerful, though.

_- Yoh_

_Dear Jouranl_

Don't want to write anything. I fail at life.

_- Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

I'VE BECOME CAPTAIN OF THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD!

This is the greatest day of my life! I'm popular! I thought I'd never get to be popular, because I'm not at all pretty, outgoing, fun, interesting, and I have self-esteem/inferiority issues. (Honestly though…it's Anna, Anna, Anna!)

But today, the Hanagumi got fed up with Lady Anna being so bossy, and they took a vote… Lady Anna was dethroned, seven to two!

And they elected me! _Me!_

I was frightened that Lady Anna would try to do something to hurt me, but instead she's been moping around the house crying. It's really quite sad. I tried to comfort her, thinking that maybe she would get back to normal, but no use.

She just stares off into space murmuring about squirrels. Then she locked herself in her room. What about squirrels? I fear she might be going insane…

_- Love, Tamao_


	9. Garden Gnomes

Shaman King Journals

**Garden Gnome**

a/n: Thank you so much for all of the reviews. :) They really motivate me to write. This is a fun story to write, so I'm glad you guys enjoy it. :)

_Dear Journal,_

Drat, the demon is not upset by the fall of his accomplice. This is bad, but I will not let it perturb me. I must work harder on my you-know-who vanquisher.

The showdown will come!

_-Lyserg Diethel_

_Dear Journal,_

Anna's been so down lately that I went and got present. I don't know why I did it… I mean, I already cook, clean, train, and perform other slave-like duties, but here I am getting her a present.

It's a CD. I think she'll like it. It's Soul Bob. Everyone likes Soul Bob.

Lyserg's gotten really scary lately. Even Hao is slightly intimidated by him. Hao, on the other hand, looks super cheerful. I hate to say it, but it's actually a little bit suspicious.

Oh well. I'm sure it's nothing.

Ren has dark shadows under his eyes, and it looks like he's not getting much sleep.

He's always looking over his shoulder, never saying anything except looking into shadowy corners and muttering "I know you're watching me… I'm on to you…". I think he's getting just a tad paranoid.

Although I don't blame him… that Pirka would wear anyone out.

_Yoh_

_Dear Journal,_

Kororo's still missing. Pirka is angry at me for interfering with 'true love'.

Can't she tell that Ren's not good for her? I mean, he's going to break her heart into two; he'll use her and discard her like an old milk bottle! Still, if he so much as lays a finger on her _I will hunt him down to the ends of the earth_…..

Yoh got Anna some CD. I found it on the table with a card that said "Feel better soon Anna, Yoh."

I knocked on her door (she's been weeping in her room for the past two days; none of us have seen her at all).

She stopped crying when I knocked.

"What do you want, you blue-haired dummy?" she snapped.

I gritted my teeth, but remembered that Anna was going through a hard phase of her life right now and all that sort of thing. But really, who's she to talk? She's the one who dyed her hair pink… _my _bluenette hair is _naturaul!_

"This Soul Bob album is for you," I grunted.

"I don't want it!" she said unappreciatively, "_I am suffering here_, and I do not want some stupid _Soul Bob _CD! As if I would ever want one of those; I hate his music!"

"It's from Yoh."

There was a pause. She opened the door, her expression one of pure joy. Her eyes were all botchy though, and she looked awful from all the crying.

She took it and smiled.

"I though you said you didn't like Soul Bob?" I asked, confused.

She hit me.

"IT'S FROM YOH, YOU BAKA! THAT MAKES IT SACRED!"

Now I have this lump on my forehead, and with Pirka angry at me and Kororo gone, there's no one to kiss my boo-boo and put a band-aid on it! Maybe I'll ask Ren…

Wait. Forget I ever wrote that.

You didn't see anything…

_Horohoro_

_Dear Journal,_

YOH GAVE ME A PRESENT! I HAVE A WILL TO LIVE AGAIN!

I guess I'll go to tonight's cheerleading practice, even though I'll have to listen to the orders of that mean old Tamao. I mean, she wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have that stupid crush on Yoh. But at least she has good taste.

_- Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

Yes! I finally got out of that prison/school!

Here's how we did it (I only just now have the opportunity to write):

First I made a plan. I called it Mission: Impossible II even though I don't think it was really all _that _impossible. And it's my second one… the first one was my, erm, unsuccessful attempt with the helicopter.

Anyway, last night Kororo crawled through the air vents (I couldn't… I was just slightly too big. Drat, I'm just that tiny bit too small to be a basketball player and too big to escape from prison/school!).

So she got the headmaster's/ torture master's / resident male Anna's school keys via air vent.

Anyway, once I got the keys I put on my disguise, picked up my pre-packed suitcase and snuck out! Unfortunately, no cool secret agents or anything were on my tail. But I know my father will be sending men soon to take me back… I must be always on my guard… I can only trust Kororo…

Right now I am disguised as a garden gnome. By day I stand and smile in peoples' yards but by night I travel to a new yard where I will sit for another day. Soon I will make it to the airport. Then I will be back in Japan! Oh, yeah, Kororo is with me. She's a garden gnome, too.

_-Manta_

_Dear Journal,_

Yay! Manta and I are on an adventure! We dress up as this little jolly men and women that the Americans put in their yard. They are called "garden gnomes". I wonder what these humans do with these "garden gnomes"? Do they worship them? Do they play dolls with them?

_-Kororo_

Dear Diary,

I don't know what my dear Master Lyserg's problem is.

Wait, I do. Dear Master Lyserg is suffering from madness. I do hope he will be alright… he keeps shooting evils to Chocolove and especially Hao. I know about the entire Hao ordeal, but it really is concerning me.

At any rate, things have been boring around here with Master Lyserg working on his Hao Vanquisher. It is quite the frightening contraption, if I do say so myself. HAO SHOULD BE SHAKING IN HIS FLAMBOYANT BOOTS AT THIS MOMENT!

Oh, and Tamao invited me on the cheerleading team because they don't have enough people without Anna. I think I'll be quite good at it.

That Kororo hasn't been about for a while. That's quite good. I don't like having that little drama queen around. She goes off pouting if people take their eyes off her for one second, hmph!

_-Morphea_

a/n: I know that Morphea goes by many names (Chloe, Morphin, etc.) but I chose the one from the English manga, because that's my main Shaman King reference material. :) By the way, Morphea and Kororo have a less-than-friendly relationship because of the whole "Oh-No-Horohoro-Thinks-Morphea-Is-Cute-So-Kororo-Runs-Of-And-Horohoro-Is-Saved-By-Bluebell" incident. They don't hate each other, they're just not friendly.

Preview: (in Jeanne's voice) Will Manta and Kororo be followed and dragged back by his father's subordinates? Will their garden gnome plan succeed?

Will Anna be allowed to join the squad now that they have Morphea?

Will Lyserg ever pick up a few of those marbles he lost?

Tune in next time, for Shaman King Journals!

(turns to me) Now can I have a cookie? Please? Marco doesn't let me have cookies…

Me: Yes, you may, although I thought _you _were the leader of the X-Laws. You should stop having him boss you around when it comes to things like that.

Jeanne: (weakly) Yeah, I know… but he's just so scary! With those shiny glasses and his special battle costume… (shivers)


	10. Here's Hoping it was a Squirrel

a/n: Reviews totally rock my world. I mean it. Reviews are what keep me going. :) So remember to review! Oh, and the reason Choco rhymes the last word of each paragraph with some random word is because it's a random pun thing… sorry, that doesn't make much sense, does it?. Ok, read on. :)

_Dear Journal,_

I'm so excited I could bounce off of the walls! Tonight Renny-poo is taking me out on a date! MY VERY FIRST DATE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!

Anyway, I'm wearing my very fanciest, prettiest dress. My future sister-in-law, a.k.a. Jun, said that Ren was taking me somewhere super fancy (I CAN'T WAIT!) and we went shopping for a new dress.

We looked at wedding dresses, too, while we were at the mall.

My dress is bubble-gum pink and adorable. I think Ren will like it! Oh my gawd, I hope he likes it. WHAT IF HE DOESN'T LIKE IT?

Must go and reaffirm my dress decision with Jun. She probably knows what kinds of clothes Ren likes...

_from the sweet Pirka_

_Dear Journal,_

Tamao won't let me back on the team! The stupid meanie! She says that now that Morphea's on the team, they don't need me. How can one silly little fairy take the place of a brilliant itako?

I am very upset right now. VERY, VERY, VERY ANGRY!

Great, what's Hao doing in my room? One second, got to yell at him. Maybe even slap him. Huh, that'd make me feel a little bit better…

_Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

I knew that the lovely Anna would see the light! Er, darkness. Whatever.

She has agreed to team up with me. You see, I have had the Lyserg Vanquisher 30, 201 assembled for quite some time now. There are just a few minor details I have to work out.

But poor Anna was kicked off her squad by Tamao (who has suddenly started asserting herself. Scary, no?) and she's out for revenge. So she has agreed that – just this once – she'll help me with my project if I help her with hers.

BWAHAHAHA!

Tamao Vanquisher… interesting…

_Deigned worthy of writing by the Great All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

Uh-oh, Pirka's been jumping around the house singing at the top of her lungs. "I'm going on a date with Re-en, I'm going out with Re-en!".

I would've told her to shut up, but I knew it wouldn't help.

Anyway, I really have a bad feeling about this. Hmmmm… I must do something…

_- from Horohoro_

_Dear Jounal,_

My date was awful. It couldn't have gone _worse._

I picked her up on my horse (what? I don't have other means of transportation… my father doesn't approve of automobiles…) and she was all giggly right from the start. She hugged me, _hugged _me! Ugh!

She giggled again and said:

"Wow, Ren, you brought a horse to pick me up? You're such a gentleman!"

"Uh, yeah, sure I am," I grunted. Stupid girl. I just wanted to end that date ONCE AND FOR ALL.

So on the way there, she held on to my waist – very uncomfortable and awkward, I assure you.

But despite my discomfort, I noticed that someone was following us.

We went into the fancy restaurant (Pirka was still giggling. For heaven's sake doesn't she have some kind of 'off' switch?). And I noticed a man with a trench coat and a hat pulled over his eyes right behind us.

I nudged Pirka (though any contact with her is painful) and said:

"Hey, did you notice that guy's been following us?"

Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she surveyed the figure. "He wouldn't-" she whispered threateningly, but then the waitress took us to our table, and she apparently forgot what she was going to say.

There were candles at the table. I cursed Hao. Why did he say candlelit? WHY? She didn't do anything but bat her eyelashes at me the whole time. It was sickening.

The guy who was behind us (and was now at a nearby table, looking at the menu) suddenly shouted: "ARE YOU KIDDING? ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO MAKE ME BANKRUPT?"

I recognized the voice immediately. I'm sure Pirka recognized it ten times faster.

"BIG BROTHER!" she screamed, "WHAT THE #&$&#$ ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

Man, that chick can cuss.

"Horohoro," I growled dangerously, "this wasn't by any chance an assassination attempt on me, was it?"

Horohoro whipped off his hat and glowered at me. "Only if you kissed her."

Great. When I kissed her (which I'd been planning to do as part of my "Operation: Be Dumped") I'd be killed _twice._ Brother and sister death duo.

Pirka marched over to him, gathered him in her handy-dandy net, and threw through him out the door.

"GET OUTTA HERE!" she yelled.

By now, everyone else in the restaurant was silent and staring at us.

She turned back to me, once again batting her eyelashes.

"So, you were saying?"

I looked around, glowering. I pulled the menu over my face. "C'mon, let's eat," I said.

Finally, it was time to go home. I had to listen to her ramble about this and that for THREE WHOLE HOURS and I was looking forward to going home and doing some good ol' training.

She giggled as we went outside. Then she said flirtatiously, "I really had fun tonight."  
"That's good," I said blandly.

Then… oh, I don't even want to put it onto paper…

I kissed her. Very, very, very quickly. It was like pulling a band-aid off quickly – less pain that way.

I waited gleefully for her to attack me. It'd all be over soon…

She gave a joyful smile. "OH RENNY, I LOVE YOU TOO!" and she hug tackled me.

She smiled sweetly. I tried to contain my horror.

"What's wrong, Renny-poo?" she said sweetly.

I couldn't speak.

"La la la la la la la, I kissed Ren-ny, la la la la la!" she started singing. Her singing snapped me out of my terror, even though I realized this nightmare would last longer than I had anticipated.

"STOP SINGING AND GET ON THE HORSE!" I shouted angrily.

She didn't seem to notice. "Okay," she said sweetly.

I thought I saw something in the bushes I'm not sure who I wished it _wasn't _more: Horohoro, or Hao.

I really, _really, **really, really, REALLY **_hope it was just a squirrel.

_- Tao Ren_

_Dear Journal,_

I'm concerned about Anna. She's been locked in Hao's room all day, and has been periodically laughing maniacally with him.

I wonder if I should call Faust?

In other news, Chocolove finally woke up this afternoon from his coma. (Hey! Just like Jewel on _All my Offspring_!).

Hao is visiting him right now… he's so nice to everyone these days!

Haven't heard from Manta in ages. I'm very concerned; he should be back by now.

_Yoh_

_Dear Journal,_

Hao just visited me. He's such a kind person since I came back… he must be trying to reform himself! That is a worthy cause that I can completely sympathize with.

Hmm… can't think of anything that rymes with 'with'…

Anyway, I can't help but feel sorry for Lyserg. According to Hao, the poor guy's been going even _more _over the edge with his Hao-complex since I've been gone. Which is such a shame, because Hao has totally changed! Still, I don't see how I factor into this mess…

Less!

Hao wanted to know if I still had the socks he gave me, and I said yes. I keep them locked up in a safe in my room, just in case (who knows? That crazy Lyserg might go for my footwear next!). They're just so cool!

School!

That's it! I'll try to cure Lyserg of his unhappiness and insanity with my awesome jokes!

Pokes!

_- from Chocolove_


	11. Boroboro the Baka

a/n: Thanks so much for all of the reviews. xD Enjoy! And tell me what you think: should Hao get his just desserts for messing with everyone, or should he get away scot-free?

Jeanne: I vote justice.

Me: No one cares what _you _think, Jeanne! It's our readers. (smiles sweetly) After all, they're the ones who are reviewing!

Jeanne (mumbles): You're such a kiss-up!

* * *

_Dear Journal,_

Our cheerleading is tomorrow. I've been working really hard on all the routines… I hope that everyone enjoys it, but especially Master Yoh! I'm really nervous though… I'm not sure I can do it! Oooh, I'm so nervous!

Lady Anna was hanging out with Hao for a while, but now she's just eating ice-cream, crying, and screaming, "WHO NEEDS YOH? I'VE GOT BEN AND JERRY!"

Even Hao is irritated with her.

I think Master Yoh's given up on her. I feel sorry for her, but this is my opportunity to have Master Yoh all for myself!

I have to go practice some more. Maybe if I practice some more, I'll be able to perform… ooh, I get butterflies just thinking about it…

_- Love, Tamao_

_Dear Journal,_

I'm trying to cheer up Lyserg with my awesome jokes! He loves them, I can just tell.

Yup, I'm sure of it. When he casts me those dirty glances, I know he really is grateful for my help.

_- Chocolove_

_Dear Journal,_

Pirka is so mad at me right now, that it's not even funny.

Let's just say this: I'm hanging from the ceiling in a net.

She went to go call Ren (for the umpteenth time) to apologize about her baka brother.

You know, that word really bothers me. It's like, someone says 'baka' and someone thinks, 'Boro- I mean, Horohoro". Ugh.

Ugh-oh, she's coming.

_-From Horohoro_

_Dear Journal,_

Stupid Boro-I mean, Horohoro! WHY MUST HE INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE?

Anyway, Renny doesn't seem too upset about last night's incident. Thank goodness.

OMG, I TOTALLY LOVE HIM! I kissed him last night; OMG THAT WAS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!

(_Excuse me… yes, this is Maiden-Chan speaking. This is the first time I've interfered, isn't it? I'm sorry to say, but I had to edit this entry a bit. Pirka goes on for seventeen more pages about Ren and their kiss, so unless I stopped it at 'best moment of my life' this chapter would have been too long to upload. Read on!)_

Our cheerleading is coming along very nicely. Tamao was genius when it came to the choreography. I even convinced Renny to come and see it! He's become ever so much more compliant lately. I think it's because he's starting to let his true love show! So exciting! Tomorrow we'll be performing our cheer!

I've got to go to practice now. Hm. Maybe I should let Hororhoro down while I'm gone?

Nah.

_-Love, the sweet Pirka_

_Dear Journal,_

AGH! WON'T THAT GIRL STOP HER CRYING! As much as even I love Anna, that girl's whining is getting to me. She didn't even follow through on being a vanquisher duo with me.

The only thing that I'm living for right now (besides my great destiny to be Shaman King) is my showdown with Lyserg. I think he's done with his Hao Vanquisher 2000 or whatnot because he's started smirking at me whenever I bump into him.

Urgh. How can he be happy? Doesn't he know he's going to lose… conceited little…

There's Anna again… WON'T SHE PLEASE SHUT UP?

You know what? I'm upset now. I think I'll join Anna… some Ben and Jerry's sounds good…

-_Deigned worthy of writing by the all-powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

Now Anna and Hao are both eating ice cream together. It's really weird. Their conversation (shouted loud enough for even me to hear through my headphones) goes something like this:

"WHO NEEDS YOH? I'VE GOT BEEN AND JERRY!"

"YOU GO, GIRL! WHO NEEDS MEN?"

"Wait… aren't you a guy, Hao?"

"Well, you need me, but otherwise you don't need anyone."

_Smack._

Ooooh, that's gonna hurt.

Now Anna's crying again. I don't know what to do… Ok. I'll go and talk to her. Maybe that'll make her feel better.

I have to leave later tonight, hee hee... there's something I need to do...

_-Yoh_

_Dear Journal_

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I finally am ready to exact my revenge on you-know-who and what happens? CHOCOLOVE WON'T STOP TELLING ME DUMB JOKES!

This morning, while I was just about to use the toilet, he popped up from behind me and screamed some weird pun. I think my heart stopped.

And I can't whine to Morphea because she's off doing some cheerleading squad. I feel so abandoned and unloved. Maybe I should go whine with Anna. I could use some ice cream.

But noooo, _HE'S _whining with her right now.

I'll just work on perfecting my vanquisher. Hee hee… by tomorrow, Hao will be reduced to dust!

_- From Lyserg Diethel_

_Dear Journal,_

Oh no.

Oh no, oh no, oh no.

They've found me!

Just as I was outside the airport, a few of my father's men jumped out and almost kidnapped me!

They're on my tail right now...

Oh no, here they

(_Manta's journal stops here)

* * *

_

Jeanne: Wow, you left them hanging, didn't you?  
Me: Yes, I'm diabolical that way. (laughs diabolically)

Jeanne: Maiden-Chan - not me, I mean the insane girl - says to review if you ever wish to see Manta again.

Me: Well, of course Manta will be all right. Maybe. (grins wickedly)


	12. Attack of the Bunny Mascot

Me: Well, enjoy! It was difficult to write a chain of simultaneous events in diary format. This is the final chapter. Though an epilogue-esque chapter will be in order if I get enough reviews…

Jeanne: You really do have an unhealthy obsession with those things.

Me: Yes, but there's no help for it. Anyway, this chapter took a while, but it's really long. Enjoy the chapter,and review!

* * *

_Dear Journal,_

Ooooh, those butterflies in my stomach are starting to feel more like birds.

Very big birds, like eagles.

Or rather, dragons.

Ooooh, I just can't do this!

_- Love, Tamao_

_Dear Journal,_

Ren came! He's sitting right next to me in the bleachers! Of course, I know he loves me so OF COURSE he'd come. He wants to see me in my adorable cheerleading outfit!

Aw, he's so good at looking sullen! I know that he's ecstatic right now, but he can't let everyone else on so he's trying to look broody! So sweet!

Hey, where's Tamao? We can't perform our cheer without her! I've got to go find her…

- _from the Sweet Pirka_

_Dear Journal,_

Pirka just came up to me, completely frantic.

"Anna, have you seen Tamao?"

I replied no, that I had not seen the little weasel.

"We can't perform our cheer without her!"

"I can do it!" I exclaimed.

Pirka looked at me doubtfully. "You don't know the routine," she told me.

I glared at her. "I'm going to be shaman queen. I CAN DO ANYTHING BETTER THAN THE WEASEL CAN."

She looked a bit frightened.

"Um, okay…"

The truth is though, that I don't know the cheer in the least bit.

Oh well. As long as Yoh sees me.

WHERE IS HE?

_- Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

I'm watching his every move… the day of his imminent doom is coming closer…

- _Sincerely, Lyserg Diethel_

_Dear Journal,_

Where is my darling twin brother? He has to be about somewhere… Lady Anna is beginning to sharpen her tools. Her cheer is about to start and he's not here.

Anyway, once she finds out that Yoh isn't the dependable guy she thought he was, I can take my chance!

Stupid Lyserg keeps staring at me like I've already lost. How dare that insolent brat think such things?

- _Deigned Worthy of Writing by the All-Powerful Hao_

_Dear Journal,_

WHERE IS HE?!?!?

-_Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journal,_

That was… strange.

So I'm sitting there, all bored because Pirka made me come. And, of course, I'm feeling depressed as well because I know that I will never, ever be able to get away from that female demon who calls herself Pirka.

And her cheer starts. Actually, it was really good. Except for Anna. Anna just kind of stood there looking slightly confused.

A giant rabbit mascot for the cheerleaders ran by.

Then all of a sudden some guys in black rushed in, and they all aimed their guns at the giant rabbit. The giant rabbit put his hands in the air. Pirka gasped.

Jun exclaimed, "BUNNNY!". Humph. I _told_ her that it wasn't fitting for Taos to express their love of cute animals in public!

The Iron Maiden gasped, too. "Oh, my! I didn't know we had a felon for a mascot! They certainly must distribute justice." Then she paused. "I didn't know we had a mascot at all…"

"Even I can tell you that we don't have a mascot, you idiot," Anna barked.  
Tears welled up in Jeanne's eyes.

"FREEZE!"

The giant rabbit pulled his headpiece off. It's Manta, sitting on Yoh's head. Very strange… I was beginning to hope that this whole ordeal – including last night – was one big nightmare.

"I thought we'd be safe if we had a costume," Yoh muttered.

"You will return the heir to his family at once," one of the men in black said coolly.

Yoh hesitated for a moment, then whined, "but he's my friend!"

Now, normally I would jump in and beat up those imbeciles. But to be perfectly honest, I never really liked Manta. He's much to short… it's obvious he never bothered to drink his milk.

Manta turned red. He hopped off of Yoh's head, managing to land on his feet without breaking any bones. Hey, that's like two stories of a building for the runt!

His forehead vein was bulging. Uh-oh.

He whipped out a dictionary from no where. "Let me handle them, Yoh," he said, deadly serious. I nearly laughed at the absurdness of his proposition. Like he'll beat those men up with a mere dictionary!

What happened next, though, does not make me laugh in the slightest. No, not at all. Indeed, Manta's fighting style is worthy of my respect. It got so violent that I – Tao Ren! – had to turn away!

That Manta is one scary guy, that's all I'll say. I think Jeanne fainted. Good thing Tamao wasn't around…

When all was said and done, I turned around to find the (slightly maimed) unconscious bodies of the men in black all over the field where the cheer was being held.

We were all silent for a moment.

"I think it's time to go home," Yoh said, his voice trembling. Even Yoh was shaken!

Manta looked blissfully happy though. "Ok. As long as I don't have to talk to Chocolove."

- _Tao Ren_

_Dear Journals,_

I just finished taking bets for the fight between Lyserg and Hao.

The tally? Everyone – all of us voted for Hao.

Including Morphea.

Seeing as that's not much of a moneymaker, I've begun to make popcorn and sell

it along with small souvenirs: LYSERG VS HAO – FINAL SHOWDOWN.

What? The Funbari Onsen could always use some promotion, and the extra money is nice.

- _Love, Asakura Anna_

_Dear Journals,_

Woah.

That's all I have to say. The final showdown was pretty intense, all right.

Lyserg walked out, then looked Hao dead in the eyes.

"You're going down," he said. He took out a water gun at his belt and aimed it Hao.

But does Hao care? Apparently not. He smirked, then he took out his own water gun.

"No, it's you who's going down!"

Lyserg gasped. "You stole my idea!"

"So what?"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Too bad." Hao stuck his tongue out.

"I HATE YOU!"

"I read your journal, too."

"AAAAAAGH!"

"And I wear your socks every day. They're very nice and warm."

Now Lyserg was on the floor, sobbing.

"Look who's the tough guy now, Lyserg. Huh? Huh?"  
Lyserg stood up, stabilized himself, and pulled the trigger.

A stream of white liquid squirted out. A crazy look came into Lyserg's eyes.

"MELT! MELT, HAO!" Lyserg kicked another of Anna's vases, conveniently placed on the floor, after saying Hao's name. Anna mumbled something very unladylike.

Hao stumbled to the ground, but he was pulling the trigger on his water gun, too. "NO! Not until I prove that I'm the number one meanest villain!"

It was like that for a while – the action was very intense – until Ren came in.

"Hey, you guys, have you seen my – MY MILK!"

He rushes in, takes the water guns. "YOU BOTH SHOULD BE ASHAMED! THAT'S MY MILK! MY MILK!" He breaks down, and for once I thought I might see Tao Ren cry.

They both glare at him.

"I haven't melted THIS DEMON yet!"

"I haven't proven that I'm the meanest villain yet!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Anna screamed, "PUBLICITY OR NO, YOU'RE RUINING MY KITCHEN AND KNOCKING OVER MY VASES! GO TO YOUR ROOMS! IN FACT, GET YOUR SORRY BUTTS OUT OF MY HOUSE! WHY DO YOU EVEN LIVE HERE ANYWAY?"

When Anna yells, we listen. Lyserg and Hao ran to their rooms.

"Anna, telling them to leave is a bit harsh," I say hesitantly.

She takes a deep breathe. Then:

"Fine. Clean the kitchen."

Things are back to normal! Finally!

"YOU CAUGHT ME DOING _WHAT _ON TAPE?!?!?!?"

That's Hao… screaming in fear?!?

… and is that evil cackle Ren's?

Maybe things _aren't _back to normal. They never really were…

_- Yoh_


End file.
